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The new X Factor judging lineup, as revealed this week, is dismal. It consists of Simon Cowell, Robbie Williams, Ayda Field (who is married to Robbie Williams) and the one from One Direction who was probably second most likely to take the place of Louis Walsh. That’s how bad things have got. X Factor couldn’t even secure the One Direction member who was most like Walsh. The picture released by ITV is a perfect study of human sadness. None of them – not a single one – wants to be there. Pay it any sort of attention at all and you’ll notice that all four judges have endless black pits of despair where their eyes should be. Some years ago, I went to Berlin zoo to see Knut, the world-famous polar bear , only to discover him gaunt and yellowing and apparently deep in the throes of end-of-life dementia . At the time, it was the saddest thing I had ever seen, but not any more. The new X Factor judging lineup is Knut times four.
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